Why is euthymia (stability) so hard and how to make it easier?

Last year I was biking to the movies to meet my boyfriend.  About halfway there  I realized “OMG,  I’ve been stable for over 6 months!.  Maybe I don’t have bipolar at all!!!” 

Fast forward a few hours.   I’m wailing like a hyena outside of the theater.  And an hour after that— paralyzed on my boyfriend’s couch in a puddle of my own snot.  All the while chiding myself for being a hot mess while I’m “stable”


I wish I could say “stable” evenings like that are an anomaly.  

As I biked back home the following morning, I started wondering, “ Why does stability, the bipolar holy grail, feel so destabilizing?  And how could I make it easier?   I’ll share the answers I discovered to both questions below.    

Why is euthymia so hard?

1. Questioning my (IN)sanity: 


After bouts of medication-assisted -euthymia—I’m inevitably pricked with doubts. That I might not actually have bipolar. 

And immediately I’m swept into a mental tornado. That ends, if I’m lucky, with resignation. “Ohhhh this that moment! When I want to stop taking that medication that makes me so balanced I think I don’t need it.”   This stability- induced-self-gaslighting often makes me feel “crazier” than I do in depression or mania!

2. Constant FEAR!

I’ll never forget that sunny day when my preschool classroom started shaking.  Books fell off the shelves.  My teacher’s glass vase shattered on the floor.  We all huddled under our desks, terrified we would die.  It was the great earthquake of 1989 in San Francisco.  Thankfully I survived. But for the rest of my childhood, I feared the moment when the ground would start rumbling again. 

Bipolar stability feels like this.  Even though I’m “fine”, there’s always a siren the background. Warning me that any moment my mind could crumble. 


3. Peace that doesn’t feel peaceful

As a bipolar being, volatility is my norm.  I’m so used to being swung from depression to (hypo)mania that stillness feels unsettling.   I feel like a bird who has migrated its entire life between Canada and Mexico.  And suddenly finds a farm in sunny California with bird feeders all year round.   Amazing right?  Except why do I feel so anxious?   What do I do with all this peace? 

4. Stability stirs up the gunk 

During depression i feel like a sailor fighting to survive a hurricane. It’s only once the storm calms that I start noticing malfunctions.  Pesky things i couldn’t see when my boat slammed against the waves.  Problems in my relationships. Health.  Finances.  It’s natural to discover these issues when we’re stable. And just as natural to feel like dung when we start dealing with them. 


So sister, if you find yourself feeling messy when you’re stable–give yourself a hug.  Stability doesn’t always feel stable.  In fact it usually doesn’t.  It’s not just you. Now let’s talk about how to make it better! 


How to make euthymia a bit easier!! 


1. Awareness and Compassion for ourselves: 

First, stop judging yourself for being “unstable” when you’re stable.  It’s totally normal!. 

2. No, you’re not crazy.  And you do have bipolar! 

It’s also normal to start doubting you have bipolar when you’re stable. You’re not crazy for feeling this way.  AND—it most likely DOESN’T mean you don’t have bipolar.  Youve been diligently taking your meds and living a healthy lifestyle.  So congratulate yourself. . And keep it the good work!  


3. Live in the present moment: 

It’s also natural to fear that your dormant mind is going to erupt at any minute. Give yourself a hug.  And, as much as you can, try to live in the present.  You’re stable now!  So enjoy it!  One great way to cultivate presence is to connect to your breath.  Try a  guided meditation.  Or sit in a calm place and take deep breaths, observing the beauty around you.  

4. Gratitude for it all 


Gratitude is magical in general. And when we’re stable, it helps us appeciate and potentially prolong it!

Here are a few things I give thanks for when I’m stable (and even when I’m not)

  • My meds–for helping me get to this place where I don’t think I need them! 

  • Myself, for commiting to my wellness 

  • My friends and family who supported me through the hard times 

    5. Get to Work! 

And finally get to work! Euthymia is a great time to uplevel. To start thinking about “What do I really want in life??  Perhaps it’s to go back to school and get that degree. Or move to that city you love. Or find a job that excites you. 

And if you’re totally lost, this would be a great time to work with a coach who can help you discover this!

Whatever mood you’re in today, please give yourself some love. Bipolar isnt just hard in depression and (hypo)mania.  Euthymia too.  It’s not just you.  

You’re an amazing person who was dealt a mangy ball of yarn.  Because the universe knew that only you could knit it into a dazzling sweater.  

Sending you so much love on your journey making peace with stability 

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