Fast forward a few hours.   I’m wailing like a hyena outside of the theater.  And an hour after that— paralyzed on my boyfriend’s couch in a puddle of my own snot.  All the while chiding myself for being a hot mess while I’m “stable”

As I biked back home the following morning, I started wondering, “ Why does euthymia, the bipolar holy grail, feel so destabilizing?  And how could I make it easier?

When I started learning about crystals years ago, I was delighted to find that different stones helped me balance my bipolar moods.  And I’m here to share what I’ve learned to inspire you to find some bipolar soothing crystals too. 

Any sort of fast or rapid “cleanse”, be it via juice, cayenne lemon water, cabbage soup, etc can be deadly for us. Especially during the spring and summer, when we’re already at greater risk for (hypo)mania. Eating too little, just like not getting enough sleep, exacerbates our (hypo)manic symptoms. And makes more likely that we’ll spin out of control.

So does this mean we have to choose between being bloated or manic? No way! We bipolar beings can detox safely. And not just can—we should!

I wish I could say that this blazing depression was unusual for me.  It’s not.  In fact, I have never in my life spent an entire day in bed.  When I learned about bipolar mixed episodes (a melange of depression and mania) it did bring some clarity.  Ahh.  It’s not just me who gets depressed and (hypo)manic at the same time.   But wait, why are my depressions ALWAYS like this?

It’s not a surprise that many of the most famous artists, writers, and musicians throughout history had bipolar disorder.   Art is the antidote the universe gave us to manage the poison in our brains. Our extreme moods are too intense for a human being to handle.  But art is a magical cable, that transmutes the scary voltage in our brains into a beautiful light formation.  It’s alchemy.  Whether we’re (hypo)manic, suicidally depressed, or stable, creativity helps alleviate whatever we’re going through. And turn it something beautiful. 

Did sunlight at work accentuate the darkness once I returned home? Possibly. And nonetheless, I believe that working through that depression helped keep me alive. Serving others on my flights, even if it was just a glass of ice water, forced me to question, “Would the world actually be better off if I were dead?”

In short, I’m so grateful for my gratitude lists. They add more consistency to my inconsistent life. And help to lighten depression, calm (hypo)mania, and prolong euthymia (stability). Help, not cure. Because as awesome as gratitude is, you better keep taking your medication booboo! But writing a daily list, when combined with other wellness practices, can make bipolar feel less like tsunamis and deserts. And more like manageable waves you can surf through!

It’s no coincidence that this sweet little beaver gnawed his way into my heart 6 months after I went public with my diagnosis.  6 months after starting to not just accept my bipolar, but be grateful for it.  It’s no accident that shortly after deciding that there is no one I’d rather be than me, that an amazing man chooses there’s no one he’d rather be with either.  Bipolar coaster and all.  

As people with bipolar, we’re used to severe fluctuations of our moods. Because it’s our normal, we often subconsciously seek out instability in relationships…

But most of us need is the opposite. Someone grounded. Someone secure. And unconditionally in love with us. ALL of us. Both the shiny and the shadow side.

Was it bipolar disorder that caused my diet-binge cycles? Or yo-yo dieting that exacerbated my bipolar disorder? I’m not sure. But what I do know, is that my mood swings became WAY less severe once I healed my relationship with food. That miracle came by way of learning about Ayurveda, the ancient Indian science of health. Ayurveda focuses on bringing balance to our bodies, minds and souls. Ha! Balance! Could bipolar me EVER have that in my life?

My first 10 years with bipolar disorder, i thought that 100% of my mood cycling was abnormal. That there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

Until I started learning about my menstrual cycles. And realized that much of the “craziness” I had associated with my bipolar disorder is actually normal for women throughout the month!!!

As bipolar people we feel everything so intensely. Our daily emotions can feel like bullets shattering our hearts. So it's no surprise that we feel attracted to alcohol; it numbs us out so that we don’t have to feel the full potency of our emotions. I wish I had known earlier how dangerous alcohol is for bipolar disorder. And that there are alternative ways of dealing with our often overwhelming moods.

Hypomanic AF–that’s been me these past 2 weeks. One day, around 7pm, I realized, FUCK, it’s been almost 24 hours since I’ve eaten anything!! As a bipolar holistic wellness coach, I know how essential two things (other than medication!) are to help prevent hypomania from turning into mania: food, and sleep. Which are the two things we have no interest in when our mind is moving at a million miles an hour!

The Ruby Goddess Smoothie!! A delicious morning elixir featuring greens, beets, açaí, and love, that will have you glowing and dancing like the goddess you are!!!

Do you have trouble meditating? When you try, are your thoughts all over the place, like a boingy ball bouncing all over the room? I feel you boo!! And it's not your fault!!

Today, as I was braiding my hair before a client session, I looked in the mirror and saw a beautiful woman. In a gorgeous body. Who eats whatever she wants and feels like a goddess.

I had to pinch myself to remind myself that this is me. And that this isn’t just a dream. This is my life. Every. Single. Day.

Forgive me if this sounds vain. But I’m still getting used to this reality.

Do you find yourself getting dry skin or lips when flying? You're not alone!!

According to Ayurveda, the sister science to Yoga, travel increases our “Vata” (air) energy. Vata (air) energy is dry, which can lead us to feel like all the water is being sucked out of our bodies!!

For so many years I felt like a soul mate zombie with my arms outstretched. “Souullll mate?? Where’s my soul mate????”

I was literally obsessed with finding my “other half”. That one person who could “complete me”. Because I didn’t feel whole or complete myself.

Are you the one always farting in the zoom meeting? Or rushing out to the drug store for Pepto Bismol or Tums? Sounds like your digestion might need some TLC booboo!

April 2021—your girl was living her BEST life in Tel Aviv!

Every morning I’d walk out onto my rooftop overlooking the Mediterranean sea. I’d water my herb garden, then do sun salutations, catching a glimpse of indigo each time I rose up from a forward-fold.