How to find your soul mate when you have bipolar disorder

A few weeks ago I was strolling through Central Park flanked by two French Canadian men—one my new boyfriend, the other a friend I had recently met at a spiritual retreat.  The latter started asking me about my business, “What exactly do you do?”  Oof. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m a holistic coach who empowers bipolar women to live their best lives.”  Eye raise.  Awkward grimace.

I naively hoped this friend might admire my work.  Yeah right.  Just like so many other “spiritual” folks, he immediately launched into anti-medication evangelist mode.   Starting with, “You have bipolar?  I used to have cyclothymia! But I cured it with psychotherapy.  Have you tried psychotherapy? 

Ugh.  I struggled for 30 minutes to explain that I’ve been in therapy for twenty years.  That I’m a holistic wellness coach who lives a ridiculously healthy lifestyle.  And I still need my meds to stay alive.  

He wouldn’t have it.  Like a world class attorney, he railed on and on, adamant that I too could CURE my bipolar.  

That I hadn’t tried the right herbs, the right therapies, the right holistic mindsets!  As he argued and argued, my anger started heating up like water in a kettle.  Before long it was boiling, spattering all over the concrete.    

Only one thing kept me from fully exploding and biting his head off.  My boyfriend.  

Throughout the skirmish, I felt him squeezing my hand, sending me a current of love and support.   After my “friend” exited into his taxi, I collapsed into my boyfriend’s arms.   “Ughhhhhh.” He groaned.  “I so badly wanted to punch that guy in the face.  But I could feel that you didn’t want me to.”  

He was right.  I didn’t want to start a war in Central Park.  But the way my boo had supported me had been literally perfect.  I couldn’t help thinking, once again, “I think I found my person.”  

It’s no coincidence that this sweet little beaver gnawed his way into my heart 6 months after I went public with my diagnosis.  6 months after starting to not just accept bipolar, but be grateful for it.  It’s no accident that shortly after deciding that there is no one I’d rather be than me, that an amazing man chooses there’s no one he’d rather be with either.  Bipolar coaster and all.  

Recently a number of bipolar sisters have reached out to me for dating advice. “Jenny.  What should I do?  I know I should be dating but I don’t feel ready.” My advice is always the same.  You’ll know when you’re ready.  Until then, focus on loving yourself.  

Shortly before going public with my diagnosis, I was writhing around in Miami, contemplating how best to kill myself.  Not once did I even consider going out on a date.  My libido was glacial.  Even if Brad Pitt had asked me out I would have sighed “no gracias”.  During that period I felt like a glass vase spider-webbed with gashes.  It took every ounce of strength to hold the pieces together.  

Hell no I wasn’t ready to go out on dates.  And thank God I didn’t.  I’m so grateful I didn’t throw myself into the arms of another toxic partner. 

Or a codependent mess with someone to complete me since I didn’t feel whole myself

Thank God I focused on my healing.   That I let time pass.  Because a few months later, after moving to Montreal, my desire to date reignited.  

My first couple of months in town I had a blast dating 3-4 guys at a time. I told almost every one that I had bipolar.  And to my shock, none of them winced.  They wanted to learn more about mania and depression.  To continue dating.  And it was ME who eventually moved away in search of a better match.   

Are you debating whether to jump back into the dating pond?  I invite you to check in with yourself.   Do you feel 100% ready?  Because when you’re ready, you’ll know!  You’ll feel lava bubbling up.  And be itching to share it with some cuties. 

Until then, focus on loving your beautiful self.  You, dear sister,  are so fricking loveable.  So brilliant, so magical, so resilient.  Look at all you’ve survived.  You’re still with us.  You are such a blessing to this planet.  

Focus on owning your manic depression.  Not just not-hating.  Not just tolerating. But being GRATEFUL that you have it.  

For having made you so creative, so empathetic, so fearless, so YOU!  Once you’ve reached this place, you’ll naturally attract someone who is grateful that you have bipolar too.  

Until then, take yourself out on dates.  Treat yourself the way you wish a partner would treat you.  Start falling in love with your amazing self.   

And take your time through this process.  The healing journey can’t be rushed.  But before you know it, you’ll be ready to let in that magical partner you’ve been deserving all along.  

Sending you so much love in your journey of love.

And if you’re looking for more support on your bipolar love journey, come work with me! I’m a bipolar coach who supports my sisters in falling in love with yourself and attracting the love of your dreams!

Click on the link below to get started.