How gratitude lists help me manage my bipolar disorder

I used to mope around frequently in woe-is-me mode, especially when depressed.  Spewing complaints like “Ugh–why does life suck so much?!”  Or “ewww—look at all these wrinkles on my face.  Why didn’t I wear sunscreen in my 20’s?” Or “The dating scene in Miami sucks!! There’s not a single guy here that’s boyfriend material!”  Grumble. Grumble, Grumble. 

Thankfully, a friend swooped in to save my ungrateful butt by recommending the book “The Magic,” by Rhonda Bynes. It’s all about the power of gratitude—how giving thanks for what we have makes us feel more joyful. And primes the universe to send us more blessings in the future! 

I experimented one morning writing a list with 10 things I was grateful for and why. As awkward as it was, I definitely felt better after doing it!  From then on, each morning as I sipped on my Yerba Mate, I would scribble down 10 things in my journal. For years it was easy to write the list. I was stable—there was so much to be grateful for.  

But it wasn’t until I went off medication and shit hit the fan that I really saw the power of a gratitude routine.  Even on my scariest days, I continued to scribble down 10 things, simply out of habit. It was SO hard to be grateful for anything in that torture. 

Nonetheless, I forced myself to find 10 blessings—the friends that had been texting, my comfy bed, my plants which sat beside me as I cried.  At one point I was a razor's edge from killing myself. And I’m convinced writing that list helped pull me back from the cliff.   

During the hypomania that followed, I witnessed the power of my gratitude list once more. Sure, after emerging from hell, I didn’t need a list to feel grateful! But writing my 10 blessings forced me to sit down. And pause my racing thoughts. Those 20 minutes of stillness allowed me to rest, at least momentarily. And let my body.  And my mind.  Find some peace.  

In short, I’m so grateful for my gratitude lists. They add more consistency to my inconsistent life.  And help to lighten depression, calm (hypo)mania, and prolong euthymia (stability). Help, not cure.  Because as awesome as gratitude is, you better keep taking your medication booboo!  But writing a daily list, when combined with other wellness practices, can make bipolar feel less like tsunamis and deserts.  And more like manageable waves you can surf through! 

Final note—these past two months, I’ve been adding bipolar disorder to my gratitude list.  It felt farcical at first, but over time it’s really changed my mindset.  Being appreciative of all the gifts bipolar gave me, like my creativity, my empathy, and my courage has infused me with a new level of pride in who I am. I’ve reached a place where if I could go back and choose any brain, I’d choose mine.  This confidence is so contagious that I’ve had multiple people tell me recently, “Jenny, you make me WANT to have bipolar disorder!” 

So dear sister, if you don’t yet have a gratitude practice, I invite you to add one to your daily routine.  Get a journal. Put it somewhere you’ll see it easily (I have mine on top of my toilet!).  And budget at least 5 minutes each day to write down things that you’re grateful for and why.  Don’t worry if it feels forced or repetitive at first.  Over time it gets way easier!  

And finally, as weird as it seems, I invite you to start adding bipolar to this list.  By giving thanks for your bipolar gifts, the hard parts of bipolar might start to feel less shitty.  And your confidence might inflate ever so slightly. Or if you’re anything like me, a whole lot!

Sending you so much love on your journey of appreciation.