The 3 types of bipolar depression as explained by Ayurveda
During my last depression I was consumed by flames. My mind felt like Mortal Kombat– I was simultaneously the AK47 toting assassin and the civilians being slaughtered. Over and over I paced around my apartment, searching for refuge. There was none. I was stuck in a dungeon– accompanied only by my insatiable urges: to throw myself off a building, to stab my heart. Anything to end the pain.
Multiple times a day I collapsed on my crying chamber (couch) and asked God, “Why are you doing this to me?” And erupted into screams.
Only in the aftermath did I feel calmer. Like a forest wisping smoke after a wildfire has swept through. But before long the winds would pick up again. And the inferno resumed its destruction.
It’s hard to imagine anything could have made this hell worse. But there was one thing. A pesky little thought. That gnawed its way into my mind and cackled, “Look at what a LOSER you are! You can’t even do depression right!”
The evil clown voice of bipolar depression
Seriously. What the F was wrong with me? Everyone knows that depressed people are supposed to lie in bed all day. Not be a flaming tornado on cocaine!
I wish I could say that this blazing depression was unusual for me. It’s not. In fact, I have never in my life spent an entire day in bed. When I learned about bipolar mixed episodes (a melange of depression and mania) it did bring some clarity. Ahh. It’s not just me who gets depressed and (hypo)manic at the same time. But wait, why are my depressions ALWAYS like this?
Thankfully, somewhere in hell I met a friend who teaches Ayurveda, the Indian science of health. When she asked me how I was doing I erupted, “Terrible! I don’t get it. How the F am I simultaneously suicidal and bursting with energy? Again?!”
My friend soothed my unsoothable mind by reminding me about our ayurvedic constitutions.
According to ayurveda, we are all made up of three elements: air, fire, and earth. But in varying amounts.
Vata or air energy is largely responsible to the frenetic volatility (and creativity) that characterizes so many of our bipolar minds!
Folks who are predominantly AIR energy tend to be thin boned, creative and free spirited. Their greatest challenge is anxiety. They often sleep poorly and can go days without a meal.
Those with mostly fire energy tend to be athletic, natural leaders, and well, fiery! Their greatest challenge is anger. And their insatiable appetite.
Ever felt bipolar RAGE? This is your pitta (fire) energy burning up!
Those with predominantly earth energy tend to be large boned and nurturing. Some challenges include lethargy and a tendency to overeat, especially rich foods.
Have trouble getting out of bed when you’re depressed? You’re not alone sister! It’s the kapha (earth) energy acting up!
Each of us is made up of all three of the elements. However most of us have a primary and a secondary element. Which explains a lot about how we show up in the world!
In my case, my dominant energy is fire. Which explains my sporty body, why I love leading groups and my nom nom appetite. My secondary element is air. So it’s no surprise that I’m creative, scatterbrained, and love to travel!
And as my friend reminded me, our constitution also determines what kind of depression we have…
For folks who have a lot of that heavier, earth energy, their downs will usually be the classic can’t-get-out-of-bed depressions. They’ll have plenty of suicidal thoughts. But acting upon them feels too exhausting.
Those of us with lots of air energy will have agitated depressions. Insomnia will haunt us and our appetite will disappear. So badly do we wish to disappear into thin air forever.
Those of us with mostly fire energy plummet into a raging hell. It feels like every second we’re holding ourselves back from the cliff. Repressing our masochistic urges.
Since we have all three elements inside us, our depressions will usually be a combo of the ones described above. Moreover, our energies change with the seasons. In winter our earth element increases. Meaning we’ll have more of the tired depression. In summer, the fire element dominates, putting us at risk for the flaming depression. And in fall and winter, we’ll feel more of the anxious, flighty misery.
In a future post, I’ll share how to use holistic techniques to soothe each type of depression. Stay tuned!
Until then, whatever your depression looks like, give yourself a hug. Depression sucks, regardless of the type. As much as you can, force yourself to get support. Meet with a therapist or bipolar coach. Reach out to the many folks who love you unconditionally. And most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. Remind yourself that depression is not your fault. That along with the fruits of bipolar comes the feces. And that only in the deep, oppressive, darkness can the diamond that you are be formed.
Sending you so much love on your bipolar journey