Creativity: Antidote to bipolar poison

December 7th— I stood in my kitchen marveling at the dinner I had made for two. Ethiopian yellow peas. Garlic rice. Roasted brussel sprouts—boos favorite. 

Since boo didn’t like to eat late, I made sure to have everything ready by 6:30, when he said he’d be arriving. But then 6:45, 7:00, 7:15 passed, was he ok? Finally my phone rang at 7:28. “Foufou! I just had the best day! My client meeting was amazing! And how are you?

Um…annoyed? I asked boo what time he’d be coming. He wavered, “well, i have to drop off the car at home first. So I wouldn’t get to your place until 9:15. And if I do I’d probably be checked out the whole time. Do you still want me to come?

I told him not to bother, that it was fine. Then stormed outside for some air. As I stomped along avenue Greene I realized that I wasn’t exactly “fine”. I was flaming. I had just sacrificed hours of my sacred work time trying to pamper this man. Who then stood me up for his work. Without even a heads up text. How could he be so selfish? Inconsiderate? 

And worst of all, wtf was wrong was ME for being in love with someone who would treat me like that?

Before arriving at the canal Lachine I  passed the Atwater Christmas market. Where hundreds of severed pines stood in ranks like taxidermied soldiers. I could hear them weeping. 

My own fury, mixed with the pain of the Christmas trees was too much to bear. I felt like a pressure cooker full of venom ready to explode. 

Then suddenly i felt an urge to pull off my gloves. And type a poem in my phone notes.

It was magic. As I read over my verses, I felt myself breathing again, for the first time since boo’s call. I still felt blindsided. My mouth still tasted like rage. But the flavor had become less noxious. And more intriguing. Writing that poem had transformed the flaming daggers inside me into a fireworks show. And after they fizzled, I could finally hear God in the background. Who had been whispering “everything is going to be alright” the entire time. 

Van Gogh: My favorite painter and bipolar brother!

It’s not a surprise that many of the most famous artists, writers, and musicians throughout history had bipolar disorder.   Art is the antidote the universe gave us to manage the poison in our brains. Our extreme moods are too intense for a human being to handle.  But art is a magical cable, that transmutes the scary voltage in our brains into a beautiful light formation.  It’s alchemy.  Whether we’re (hypo)manic, suicidally depressed, or stable, creativity helps alleviate whatever we’re going through. And turn it something beautiful.   

A few recommendations for how to maximize your creative magic throughout your bipolar cycles

1. When we’re (hypo)manic– our brain is buzzing with ideas.  Try to write each one down as soon as they come in.  I personally love voice notes or typing notes on my phone.  Later, you can read back over your notes and choose which ideas are worth actually creating.  And which were cool thoughts that you’re no longer interested in.  

2. When you’re depressed, force yourself as often as possible to make art. As much as you don’t want to.  As dull and boring as you feel. You’re not. You’re still magical.  And the creative juice is still inside you, even though it might take some pumping to get it going.  If you’re totally stuck for what to do, refer back to all those great ideas on your manic / hypomanic list.  Or simply make art about how shitty you feel! Regardless of what you do, expressing all that pain will make it easier to bear.  

3. And when you’re stable–keep making art!  It’s a great maintenance practice that helps us stay healthy, balanced, and strong! 

4. Try not to judge yourself too much when you’re creating, especially your first draft.  If you’re trying to make something professional/publishable, you can always go back and edit it to perfection.  But art isn’t about perfection for us.  It’s about the magic of expression.  Letting your creativity flow freely is healing—it dissipates the intensity of every mood.  Trust me, regardless of how shiny it seems when you’re making it, your art is pure gold! 

5. Regardless of your mood, try to structure time into each day for creative activities.  The best time to do this is between 2pm-6pm, when our creative powers are strongest according to Ayurveda, the ancient Indian science of health.  It comes as no surprise to me that I’m writing this post at 3:39pm! 

6. If ever you find  your creative river dried up, go outside into nature, ideally phone free!  Spending time observing the natural world is almost sure to get those juices flowing again.

7. If you’re having trouble motivating yourself to create on your own, find a creative community that holds you to it! Make artists dates with friends. Or come join our Bipolar Sisters Women’s circle where we express our creativity together the first Wednesday of each month.

Sending you much love and peace on your journey of expression